are you so shy because you have an std?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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