I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
