seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
