I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
