He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
