No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
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