im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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