it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
