the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
