dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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