I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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