he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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