I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
