i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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