So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
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We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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