I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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