Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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