forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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