yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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