I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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