How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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