it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Pants are for mortals
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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