____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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