if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
