HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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