but the lizard people decide everything anyway
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
