I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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