I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
