it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
