Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
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What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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