i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
