Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
