All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
