I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
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