Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
