Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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