You can't motorboat a personality
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
