Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
