i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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