and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Couch. On fire.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
