You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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