i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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