Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
