I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Dignity is for republicans.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
