They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
