Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
