LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
