it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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