Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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