Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
