He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
