My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
