oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
