cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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