Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
