Nicole vs. Life
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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