I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
