i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
