i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
