I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize