I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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