I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I woke up under a house in Key West
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
