Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
