ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
