I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
how does that bad decision feel?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
