Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
