omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
